It has been a long week. Stress with our last kid at home, stress at work and recovering from a back injury. Today we are having part of our home cleaned as it is hard for my injured wife to do much now and I have a time constraint problem. This time of year gets to me. I usually dread the holidays but for the first time in many years I did not start feeling down beginning at Halloween.
You see normally or not so normally I guess, right at Halloween I start feeling frustrated and stress and I guess a bit depressed. The holidays were never any fun for me as a kid and with the break up of my first marriage when my kids were small, just continued the trend.
This year was different, I did not notice the usual feelings that I usually have around this time of year. I have to wonder why that might be, but really I think I know deep in my heart already. I suppose the reason is simple enough, I just have decided to stop giving a damn.
Children grow up and become adults, time passes healing wounds and perceived failures of our past and that is as the old saying goes, a good thing. With that discovery in myself I have decided that freedom is sweet, that pain endured and lessons learned have only made me stronger.
Strength of character that only comes with age and life. Strength that comes with experience and pain. Strength that is true and long lasting. Am I out of the woods?
No, but I am on the right path, the path to self realization and the knowing that comes with going through personal hell and coming out the other side bent but not broken.
Find happiness in whatever you can, your family, traditions, togetherness or the holiday’s themselves and what they mean to you. For me this year I am going to enjoy my wife, dog and my time away from work and the unique stress that my life holds.
If my children and step-children choose to be a part of that experience good, if not that is fine as well.The absence of loved ones will no longer disturb that part of me that was once hurt by the actions/inactions of others.
No longer will I feel like an outsider in the lives of those who say they care, words are hollow. Actions are the true measure of what people really feel. Actions are a accurate yardstick, always remember that. Actions speak louder than any words and they always will.
Be well and enjoy your weekend.