Fixing other people

I had a long talk with my wife yesterday on the topic of relationships. We shared our triumphs and tragedies’ in that area. One of the themes that emerged from this discussion was that you can’t fix other people.

One of the mistakes that younger couples seem to have is that they love their partner but there are some things that they would like to “change”. Therein lays the mistake that is made in the relationship. You see you can never get anyone to do anything unless they want to. Read that last line again before moving on…

Change is always self-directed and comes from realizing over time that changes in health, attitude, and perspective are needed as we move through life. Trying to change someone to fit into the mold that you feel is the right one, always leads to disaster.

If there is one piece of advice that I could give to others (and believe me it is hard earned advice) never but never try to change your partner. If you are with them, then it is for a reason. If you would like to see something in your beloved change, that is fine but forcing your will upon them in not.

Leading your life by example is a far better approach to helping others in areas of their lives they may be struggling in. Discretion and patience are needed. Love your partner and show them you love them by letting them be themselves while at the same time being yourself.

I for one have been the recipient of approaches, one led to divorce and the other to a good marriage that I have now. It does take two to make a relationship and I have made more than my share of mistakes in both of my marriages. I have learned a lot, suffered more but mostly learned how to love unconditionally as much as I am able.

Thanks to both my ex-wife and my current wife for the lessons that you have shared with me. I obviously needed some of them desperately.

Be well,



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