I have been thinking a lot of oblivion in the last six months. After the death of my friend Chris, it has been weighing heavily in my life. I see that life moves on without him as it would move on in any case if any of us left this level of existence.
All talk about religion and the afterlife aside here…life lives on in the living, through the people who are in the here and now. Our time is limited and biology makes it so. We have a numbered amount of days and that is all we get.
Sometimes the number is up to us and sometimes it is determined by the actions of others. The end result is the same, we are out of the framework that seems so real to the ones that are living in this bubble of matter and light and noise. There are some days that I see glimpses of what it is like to be absent from this time-space continuum. Twice I have almost died so I look upon death with a different perspective than most. I do not fear not being. I do wish that I had made more of an impact of others lives though.
Yesterday when I was waiting in line for the cashier at the grocery store I looked around me and a surreal feeling came over the whole situation, I realized that if I was not standing here in this time and place that it would not matter if I stood here or someone else did. If I would not have met my ex-wife and had children, they would not exist, but someone would be in this time and place to take their places.
What makes up our sense of reality? Timing, experience, feelings, intersecting with another along your life’s path to create more life? If we don’t do it, someone else will and the balance that is currently maintained would go on without the single person. Or possibly millions…
If our local star Sol exploded today and destroyed the Earth and the whole solar system that we live, would anyone notice. Would the existence or lack there of, make any difference in natures balance? Only the observer from a distance might notice a flashing light in the night sky on some distant world, hundreds or even thousands of years later when the light from an exploding sun reached them.
Oblivion comes before and after our brief time here. Sometimes I think that it would be easier to drift into the dark, quiet place that almost embraced me twice. The most peaceful time that I have ever known. This life is so full of anger, violence, noise and hurt.
If you can look for the beauty, joy, light and happiness. I am still seeking that place and maybe before it is my time to go, to rest in the dark quiet place that I know is coming for us all, I will find a way to be happy, to be a guide to the person or people who I came here to help.
If not, I like so many before me will fade into the stream of time, to be forgotten. Seek your own truth concerning this matter for only you can decide what is best for you, not your spouse, children, ex’s, religious leaders, friends, no one but you.
Look into that place in your heart that no one else knows but you, if you have the courage to seek your own path in this matter. We all come into this life alone, we walk our path alone even if we don’t think we do and finally we step out of this time and place alone, to what no one really knows.
That is the way it should be.